You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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