every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
