The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
