yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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