Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
