Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
