Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
