it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
