The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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