If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
