How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
