the condom got lost in my hair
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
