pedialite and red bull = repair kit
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
