just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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