your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
