your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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