I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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