Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
