i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
