He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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