I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
