I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
