I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
