Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
