I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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