Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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