For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
