Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
