Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
