the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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