if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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