Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
