i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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