There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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