6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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