i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
