i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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