i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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