I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
