Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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