in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
