Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
