i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
