So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
