She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I need to align my fucking chakras
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
