peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
