She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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