do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
