R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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