Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He did a backflip because drugs
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