I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
